⪧ We left our life in New York City to make a new one in Provence ⪦

December 30, 2013

Young lady, please turn.

 

We try to imagine what she will be like. We did the same with Colette. I imagined some bald, rumpled, crying infant with skin too fragile to touch. Funny, because when she came, she was nothing like that. Nature is brilliant - because Colette was baby wholeness and ripeness and perfection.

I am a strange pregnant person. Perhaps I am simply unwilling to delve into my pregnancy feelings and let go of my discomfort to "feel" the baby, but honestly, I don't feel like I know this baby at all yet (it was the same with Colette). She is an ache, insomnia, insides thrashing. I know that when she is born that will all change and I will become unhinged and beside myself, swamped with protective force. Inside, she is embalmed in protection...

That was my thinking until I went to an appointment today and was told she is breech at 38 weeks. Only about 4% of babies are breech at term. Head up, bottom down. I was so mad walking out of that appointment. A breech baby in the health care system to which I have access means a cesarian section. There are things you can try, but at 38 weeks - it is pretty late in the game. A breech baby changes my thinking - my desire to know her inside my belly. Now her thrashing is meaningful - every movement since I received that news has become a fixation. Is she pivoting? At this point, the chances of her positioning herself head down are pretty low - there is just not room. Still, I will do everything I can to encourage her...handstands and somersaults in a swimming pool, chiropractor: Webster Technique, External Cephalic Version on Thursday (please say I don't go into labor before then!), music low in my belly - ice at the top, pinky toe massage, inversion poses (lots of down dog with Colette). 

I'm trying to make peace with the real possibility of a cesarean since my midwives are not open to doing a vaginal breech birth. Either the baby flips or that is what will happen. The most daunting part of a cesarean is recovery - little Colette who still wants to be picked up and held all the time. "Hold you" in her words...


6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh Emilie! I'm so sorry to read this. Breech! And a C-section. I'll pray that she turns for you, but if she doesn't and you need any help with recovery advice, call anytime. -Melissa (miller) Dredge

Xtreme English said...

Holding you in the light....

Jill said...

So sorry Emilie! Jonathan presented butt first and with Jeffrey in there too, there was no way that there would be a turning around. You're right, C-sections are no fun to recover from, but looking on the bright side (because what else can you look at this point), it's a fast and painless delivery!

I will cross my fingers that something makes her turn around. Can't wait to see this little one! Love you.

Emily + Eric said...

My very first pregnancy ended up just like this- breech, and we were unable to turn her because the cord was wound around her neck. I just wanted you to know that I've had 3 wonderful VBAC deliveries since then. Lots of love and prayers for you and your family, Emilie!

Xoxo,
Emily

Lily said...

I am sending good thoughts your way. Everything will be fine.

Emilie said...

Thanks lovely ladies...

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