May 16, 2014
Going back to work.
I never expected the cure for my frantic, guilt-ridden form of motherhood to be more motherhood. I am really cool now. Two babies and I caught my breath. Maybe it is just Romy. (She is marvelous, otherworldly, angelic).
I went back to work last week. I ride the subway home with a calm heart - contained in my chest, listening to my NPR podcasts, wondering about the people around me. No frenzy. No self-condemnation when the train is held between stations. Just hush.
This birth revealed that every birth is totally different. My experience with Colette felt so universal - like all mothers in the world must know their baby in this unique way. And then I had a second baby and I know her very differently and she seems to need me differently. I feel freer in the experience and more entangled because there are two. It is a lovely incongruity. Bless you, little Romy, sweet soul.