Thursday, April 12, 2012
Colette's birth and the post-birth experience have been denaturing for me. I mean, I've been changed - down to a cellular level. I guess that is it - a baby changes you fundamentally and being changed like that is incomprehensible until a head is coming out of your body and then the thing that was inside of you is suddenly a creature in your arms. (She is a creature - almost a baby, but not quite yet. No one really made that clear about newborns before she came). This creature made me cry every time I looked at her the first week (= love so fierce I couldn't take it). The second week, she made me worry with every grimace and howl. I have always been a care-free person - to the max, but I suddenly found myself hunting online for the disease that must be afflicting my little baby (= gas) and calling my pediatrician for her opinion (= baby Colette does not have colic or any deadly diseases).
My mom arrived and brought me assurance and confidence that has healed me. I was still dealing with the emotional pain of a traumatic delivery and my baby dismay was probably the expulsion of some of that. When she says Colette is perfect, I believe her and not just because she had eight babies. She looked at her, took her in her arms, and I knew she knew exactly what happened to me when Colette came and changed me.