June 1, 2015
Over Memorial Day we went to visit my parents and to meet my older sister Julie and her family at their house. A very happy reunion of souls – we hadn’t seen Julie since before she and her family left for South Africa over a year ago. I loved being with Julie again – we shared a bedroom – and a bed – for a long time growing up as little girls. She became one of my earliest emotional harbors. I learned to keep my fears at bay next to her, burrowing into her back in the dark. It was particularly meaningful to be with her when we lost our cousin, Alisa – who was our age, to melanoma that same week. Feeling so tender about that, it felt like salve to be near her and my mom and dad.
I also loved witnessing the fiber of family intertwining there in front of us. We don’t see my parents or many of my siblings often enough, but Colette and Romy arrived and joined their cousins, aunt, uncle and grandparents in a dance it seemed they already knew. We all did. It felt really nourishing to find those old forces I know so well - those that shaped me.
All of the little cousins' personalities took up a lot of space – dynamic forces each one. Colette voiced her intense feelings at some point when Grace told her she would like some space – Colette’s orbit was a bit too strong. She was shocked. The scene ended with her chasing after Grace in circles around the backyard sobbing and crying, “You don’t need space from me, Grace! You don’t need space!”